Thursday, December 31, 2009

The end = a new beginning

                I've been thinking for the last week what do I want to do with my life?How am I going to manage it?I tried to make a list for year 2010.It just seemed impossible what to put first.I am 100% sure I will not be in the same situation next year.I'll work harder, study more, sleep less, but it will be different.Anyway, this  thing with next year is pretty exciting.A whole new year to start a new beginning, a chance to get things right and get rid of all what's unnecessary.New things to learn and more strength to become.
         What amazes me so much is how so just one day can make us organize our lives, put some more things on "to-do`s" list, have other expectations, and hopes that something will be different.This year I'm fascinated about how one second will throw us in next year.I'm happy I can say today "I'll do this next year!"...I guess I'm such a kid now, but you know, every now and then it's good to let the kid in you to come out and make your life better.Like every year before, I have my hopes about 2010."What is different, then?" you may ask.Well, the big difference is the faith that grows stronger and stronger each day, the peace everything will go the best way, the promises I have from God and the confidence I can do anything!With all these in my bag, I think I can face the countdown to 2010.
the song of the day

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go,

for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.

     Brooks Atkinson

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Christmas is here!:)

     I know this Christmas won't be my bestest Christmas ever, but I'm not that sad.In fact, there will be many more Christmases to enjoy and to be everything perfect, right?.Winter holidays are the most beautiful holidays of all, I think.And it is very important to spend them with the ones you love, and to have a warm, nice Christmas it is a MUST.Actually, everybody has his/her own dream about Christmas.So, I was thinking to share a lil bit of my fantasy with you guys.To be honest, I'm not sure how it would be my perfect Christmas, all I know is Eddie has to be in the picture too.Anything else it's just background.
     But hey, I have another brilliant idea:).I'll tell you about the most beautiful Christmas in my life till now.Of course, every Christmas has its own magic and that little things that make is special, so, one of the most beautiful Christmases in my life was three years ago, right before I met Eddie.Actually, around Christmas I've talked first time in my life with him.Now, this is the highlight of that Christmas, but back then, there was something different.Like every year, our small church, tried to do something to reach out people, to spread the Good News about Jesus.So, that year, we had the idea to have something like a show instead of going caroling like every other years.The end of November and the whole month of December till the big day, we practiced, and I was very very very busy, cause I was in the choir, and in the dance team + plus had to keep up with school.I was very tired, but I loved it, first because I didn't really have time to think about my life, what to do and where to go, just before that, one guy let me down pretty bad, I mean, it started right before I threw myself in all this craziness with the show, and it lasted till the day after Christmas.I won't tell you the story, I'll just say he hurt me really bad, so I was happy to be in all those activities, so I won't have to stay and cry myself to sleep every night.So, I was making something for God and for me.It was a win win situation, and I thought I was alright and I didn't need any help...till I talked for the first time with Eddie.He was cool, and good looking, ok, I admit it, he was hot, but I didn't have time to fall in love with him, besides, I wouldn't have let that happen again to myself.So, thru all that pain and tiredness, and stress, I was very happy in my heart cause I knew everything will be ok, and I was happy for Jesus, the precious gift I receive every year, and I focused on being thankful and helpful for those who needed me.The show went great, our carols were awesome, I didn't get tired of singing them, the dance was perfect(the only mistake was I took one boy's shirt and he took mine, so I looked like I had a dress and his shirt was too small for him-that was funny) the drama was excellent, and everything was awesome.I was happy and peaceful thru hard times, and I felt Jesus' love like never before, it was an awesome experience of my life.And of course, the most incredible gift I've got that year was meeting Eddie and after that, we fell in love and know the story(more or less).
   Now, after I wrote it, it doesn't seem so incredible and 'wow!!', but everybody knows how important it is to have somebody comfort you in trouble times, and after being heartbroken(especially before Christmas!!), to have wonderful holidays it was a miracle for me!And the more time passes, the more I realized how special was that Christmas for me, for my life.I know it won't be another Christmas like that one, and to be honest, I'm not sure I could handle another one, but I look forward for the Christmases-to-come, to discover its own magic.No matter how sad and negative could seem Christmas, there is always something special about it.If there isn't the gifts, or the persons you want to be with, there is Jesus' birth, and His power to transform the most depressing Christmas in the most miraculous Christmas ever.You just don't have to give up faith and don't stop believing.It happened to me, it happened to lots of people, it can happen to anybody.
    I know, it is amazing how can I write these words, but they are from the bottom of my heart, and before to be a support for you, it is for me.I've been told this past week, I always had the strength to lift myself up when I'm down, and this is what this post is about...helping others and first, helping me.
I know this Christmas will be awesome.

PS: I forgot to tell you about the wonderful snow we got here, I'm so excited about it, it feels like Christmas!:)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Because life happens

      How many times in your life have you asked God or yourself "Why?Why ME?"..And you keep asking the same question like a broken radio, and don't get any clues.I got tired of asking, so I just sit here quietly and I'm waiting...for worse and worse.I still have tons of questions, who would bother to answer them?I'm barely keeping my feet on the floor, trying to make one more step and I'm looking for somebody to help me, to carry me thru this.The only thing I'm feeling is the darkness around me, the disappointment coming in my way, laughing so evilly at my weakness.No, definitely is not an awesome image, especially not one you'd be fascinated.You know, I've always thought the tough moments in life makes its beauty, it gets harder and harder to say it, not even to believe it.The point is, the tough moments define us.And they help us to cherish the happy, great moments much more closer to their real worth.How much would anybody be able to loose in their life to gain happiness, or peace, or whatever their own dream is about?
        All your life you live with your decisions.Your choices will follow you around no matter how far you would go.This is the scariest part...can I make the right decision?How would I know if that one's the best?Does it worth it?And how will I find out what's the best, if I have just one shot, one chance to get it right?I'm not in a movie to get it straighten up till the 2 hours end, so if I screw up how am I gonna fix everything?Yep, you'll say I'm smart enough to figure out things.Well, I might be smart, but here's another question: will I be strong enough to make it?To take the best decision, to be happy with it no matter what?...
      Happiness is never too far away, as long as you know how to reach it...Am I gonna learn one day how to catch up with it?....
...and all those wanderings because while life happens.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Life as a dream?

               Life is a reality we live everyday, and it can get pretty tough.Things are not always going the way you want, especially when you wish really bad for something you need so much.Lately, most of the people I know have serious problems.It's like a perfect day of summer and suddenly, the sky is filled with heavy black clouds and the most horrifying thunderstorm is about to begin.And I'm on my own, praying, hoping, believing everything will be all right in the end.I stay in the dark, wishing for the sun to come out so I can go back to my little fun games in the sun.I know I can do it thru the storm, I have to, there's no other chance, but how long it will take?...Do I have to come to the point where I'll be in the most miserable point of my life before things could turn around a lil bit?.Why things can't be simple?
             I am here, all alone, with nobody to help but me.It's always been this way.But am I gonna be strong enough this time too?I need to, I have to..there are people out there counting on me.On my help, my presence, my love and my carrying hand.I know everything will be fine, I believe it, otherwise I won't make it thru this hopeless darkness.I come back again and again to one of my favorite quotes, "Life is hard, handle with prayer." and despite of all the deceptiveness, I still hope this Christmas will be magical.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I'm human, and I can't change it!

           Ok, so I failed.I failed at my post about freedom.Actually, I didn't have time enough to finish it.I'll try to post it as soon as possible.I know it's not mature, but I got a pretty good reason:).Tomorrow is Eddie's interview for visa.I was so ...anxious, excited, nervous, afraid, happy, calm, and full of energy, it is actually a cocktail of emotions, like in a carousel.No, this is not a good comparison...It is like somebody took all my emotions, threw them in a blender, put it on maximum speed and left it on.Maybe the same way the pawn feels in a game when somebody throw the dice and its fate will be chosen after that.I know, I can't be a pawn, and they can't feel, but ...It is not easy to stay away and look how other decide how your life's gonna be.Actually, it's not others, I gave this matter to God, and I know He'll do it perfect, I'm praying for it, and I know everything will be fine, but I'm human and I can't change it.I'm waiting for a verdict.I make it sound so sober, but don't forget, it's a serious matter for me!And I think anyone would be the same way(maybe worse than me) if they were in my situation.Today at work I was under so much pressure, even when not thinking about it, that couple of time almost fainted or lost control of my legs.I'm fine, don't worry...The emotions are so huge right now, but I'll be fine.I got my cup of hot tea and the prayer to calm me down.
         I know this Christmas will be magical...

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Winter wonderland

    I've been trying to put my feelings on the paper for the last couple of days, but my thoughts keep messing with me.It's like I'm tricking myself.Hard times..
    Today was snowing.It was magical...All that snow, the big snowflakes, the houses, the streets...I hope it'll snow more tomorrow.It makes Christmas seem a lot closer than it is.
    I need a vacation.From my life.You know, when you go somewhere to relax, and spend time with yourself.To recharge your batteries and to remember why you do love life so much.To set your priorities straight and to get your strength back.I had tumultuous days lately.Eddie has the interview for the visa this Wednesday.I feel like my happiness hangs on that day.On that man or woman, who will choose to give or not to give him the visa.I believe, I hope, for a "Yes", and I already am so excited, I started to make plans, but in the same time, a shadow of fear is there in my heart, and a lil bit of sadness, when the question "what if he doesn't get it?" pops up in my mind.Thankfully, I don't think too much about it.I don't even mention it in my mind.Though I need to stay realistic now more than ever, I can't.I find myself in the impossibility of making one right decision, and stressing about pointless things.Time is going fast, even though, the hours seem to be hundreds of years and a day is like an eternity.I want to sleep and just wake up on Wednesday.In the same time, I wish this day to come as slow as possible.It's one of those paradoxes in life you don't have to explain, you don't even try to understand them.I know it's hard to pray in the right way in moments like these, and I challenge myself every time.I pray that He will do the best thing for our lives, no matter what decisions will be made and how it'll be.I trust Him, and I am praying for wisdom to understand His plans, for faith to keep me going and for peace in every phase in my life.
        Life is hard, handle with prayer.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Vive la Roumanie!!!

Hello Romanians!..:)Today is Romanian National Day, and like you guys get pretty excited here on 4th of July, Romanians have their own unique specific style to celebrate their December 1st!..I am so proud of being Romanian, even though this is the 2nd year when I'm not home, I feel the excitement and the specialty of this day.
And now, the song of the day is Romanian Anthem.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Fast food world.

No, it's not an anti fast foods commercial.Me personally love fast food...Mc Donald's french fries, Burger King's hamburgers, KFC's chicken...and so on...What I am against is today's world.Everything's going fast.Everything's happening fast.We meet on facebook, fast, in 5 minutes we're friends..We talk on aims, we even do our school on line so we can get to work a full time job.In the end, we stop and ask ourselves what did we miss, what did we do wrong, why nothing is the way it should be, and we start again...changing the good stuff and keep doing the same mistakes.We choose to see the movie, in maximum 2 hours, not to read the book in a couple of days.It's a miracle when you see someone reading, and you give them a weird look, even though deep in your heart you miss reading a good book.But you don't have time.
I this moment, I feel like important parts of my life are stolen.Life The present society forces us to grow up over night, like that fake salad we eat everyday.To give up the childhood for boring, exhausting problems and the whole world expects you to be responsible as soon as you turned 18.Like being responsible is a new bracelet you put on.I wanna get off the train, find a new path, try new games, lay down in grass and laugh, feel the adrenaline of walking on the precipice's edge.I wanna see the stars again in the night.Count the falling ones and wonder about the 'walking' ones.Walk barefooted, go for a walk at midnight.I wanna throw away all the bills, the late pay fees, the boringness of an imperfect job, the tiredness of working overtime just to make a lil more money so you can afford a gift for Christmas.The pain of not having the ones you love the most next to you.The late dark nights when I can't sleep and I have nobody to talk to.I wanna forget my responsibilities.I quit!I quit being a grown up!I wanna take my old job back.I will be a sweet lil kid till the end!!!
And now, the [sad] song of the day.

Friday, November 27, 2009

A path called life

           Till today I thought life is what happens while you're busy making plans.It's true, nothing to change.We are always thinking what to eat at lunch, what to wear, when to leave the house, how to smile, what to do this weekend, where will we be next year, when will find our true love, will we have kids?Will they be precious?How about smart?...And we 90% of the beautiful memories we could create will never be remembered.Because actually, they wasn't created ever.Because we, the people, stress too much, think too much, consider ourselves too mature and too grown-ups to play around, to smile, to enjoy life!.We get caught in some kind of game we call responsibilities and we cannot forget our duty to everybody but us.this is a reality.The fact I just realized is that life, actually is 10% of what's happening to me and 90% of how I react to it.I didn't say it.John Maxwell said it.And I think he has 100% credibility in your eyes.It would be foolish of me to say he is right.First when I read it, I was a lil bit confused and not really agreed with it.After a moment of thinking, I found out one of the pearls of life.You know, one of the most precious ones.The affirmation "it's not what's going on, it's how you react to what's going on" just became more powerful to me and it has got a whole new meaning.I think it is time for a little change, a good one.A change of view, a new perspective.To be more helpful and less complaining.I will learn how to worry less and I will let joy to perceive in my life.And it will be easier, because I got my friends to help me.And best of all, I got Eddie, what else could have I asked for?
          I know, at this point in my life I feel like I have to climb the biggest mountain in my life, and as much as I try to succeed, nothing is going anywhere.Like the more I am challenging myself, the more this mountain sucks up the life out of me.The energy.All I need to keep going.I need to get out of here.To go find my energy, renew my motivation, start a new story, a better one.To find myself again, to rise from my pain.To fly free like a bird and live intensely like a butterfly!To love without waiting stupid signs or answers.To laugh without being embarrassed about my laugh.To cry without the fear that others will think I'm weak.To express my thoughts loudly.To make fun of simple things, and call a bad hair day a disaster...To wake up one morning and know what am I gonna wear today.To stop growing up for just one day and to be able to relieve the child hidden in me.I wanna grow young in heart while I'm growing up in age.

Let's talk about talk

A couple of days ago, this one rude guy from work, just told me I'm a jerk.I'm still confused why I was so shocked, about the fact that he just called me a jerk or that he hasn't even talked to me ever.There are always these kind of people who think they are pretty awesome and they can tell everybody whatever they want, when things don't go the way they want.Surprisingly, I just told him I don't care what he's saying;and turned my back to him while going back to my work.To be clear, I'll tell you what happened.He's a part time employee.I just returned from my disability, and I'm a full time worker for a year and couple of months.He got really pissed off because the manager gave me his spot permanently and now he has to go somewhere else whenever he comes in(if he comes in).But anyway, this is not important...I wanted to share with you this just to start a lil monologue about how can "talk" make you happy or just simply turn your perfect day into a perfectly shitty one.It is commonly known that tongue is one of the most powerful weapon a man has.It can bring hope or despair, according to King Solomon and other wise men, "death and life are in the power of the tongue: and that they love it shall eat the fruit thereof."(Proverbs 18:21).How many times in your life you failed to do something just because a person who you trust in told you you cannot do that?And how many times did you succeed in your job when somebody patted you on the back and told you:"Come on, you can do it!"..?
Yes, it is amazing when you put it this way.As usual, I am trying to understand how this works, but I guess it's not about understanding how it works, it about understanding and practicing its power.In a good way.Not as a deadly poison, but like a secret weapon of the Good.We, as people, need to talk.This is how we had been made.Ok, one of the reasons.To talk about goodness, about Jesus, life, love, the warmth of friendship and the wonders of the universe.Generally, everybody tries to choose their words wisely, to look like they are somebody, and I condemn nobody.The small problem is, people easily forget the words they talk come out from their heart, so your talk can amaze more men, but in the end your heart will be revealed.No, I'm not trying to ruin your day being a miserable dork, it's just sharing the truth.If you wanna be respected and your talk to be more than some random crap, you should look inside and make some changes.Let's face it, we can run from others, but where would you hide from yourself?
Talking, making a good conversation is art.Knowing when to say, what to say, how to say and more important, when to stop talking and start listening.Much can be said of a person's character by the way they use their tongues.You can lighten up someone's day, and probably even save their lives.What keeps you from doing it?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

What kids think love is..

When a group of 4 to 8 year-olds where asked the question, "What does love mean?", the answers were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think...

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.

Billy - age 4

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.

Karl - age 5

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.

Chrissy - age 6

Love is what makes you smile when you''re tired.

Terri - age 4

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.

Danny - age 7

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

Emily - age 8

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.

Bobby - age 7

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.

Nikka - age 6

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.

Noelle - age 7

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.

Tommy - age 6

My mommy loves me more than anybody .You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.

Clare - age 6

Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.

Elaine-age 5

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.

Chris - age 7

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.

Mary Ann - age 4

I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.

Lauren - age 4

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.

Karen - age 7

You really shouldn't say ''I love you'' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.

Jessica - age 8

I just found this on the internet, and I thought that the sincerity and the simple-mindedness of kids should help us enjoy our lives and see a new perspective.I admit it, as an adult, or almost there, I tend to see only the complicated parts of the problem, and it gets harder and harder, so this way of seeing things, helped me a lot tonight.I wish I could be more like one of those super sweet naive kids...
Everyone, have a happy thanksgiving and a blessed weekend!!..:)

Monday, November 23, 2009

This is real life.:)
Today I took my older sister to take her driver license, and of course, she passed!I knew she was good...I told her...still, she was pretty nervous.The funny fact here, the same man who gave me the driver license in May, gave it to her.I was excited to see him, and thanked him(again)...It made my day.
Hmph...Anything else interesting?..I forgot the weekend is the short part of the week, and last 2 days just flew by me, leaving me with lots of things to finish to do, God, I gotta be more organized!!!And wake up earlier.Only if I wasn't that tired...But I'm thankful for Thanksgiving, can't wait for those 4 days off, sound like paradise!Actually, working is not that bad, to be honest.I don't have a hard job, still, I get home and I feel so tired, I don't want anything to do but sleep.Enough about work.
This weekend was a weekend of surprises!...We found out that other 2 of my sisters are pregnant, so, it'll be like, next year, almost in the same time, i'll be an aunt 3 times:).And today I realized that, my first, my third and the sixth of my sisters are pregnant...I'm glad I'm not the ninth.just kidding:)I'm dreaming about getting married, not about having kids!..

Speaking about wedding, I sent Eddie the papers he needs to apply for a visitor visa for holidays!Please, pray for him as he goes to USA embassy, having the interview and everything.I have faith and hope he will get the visa, I pray every day, and believe me, it's hard to pray:"God, your will to be done, not my wish".I am aware of the fact that He has the best plan for me and Eddie, and I wanna trust Him with all of my heart, still, I don't want to think about Eddie not getting  the visa.It's a pretty tough point in my life and I pray to have the strength to be thankful for what I have and to be patient and enjoy what I'll get one day.
Last week, while listening music at my iTouch at work, this song really nice song came on, I liked it and I thought to share it with you, at song of the day.I hope you like it...
See you guys in a couple of days, till then enjoy your life and smile!

PS:I almost forgot, yesterday I went to Wal-Mart with my sister, and we discovered that the first ingredient written on Gold Fish boxes, is "smiles"...It made my year!:)I knew why I loved Gold Fish!:)

Friday, November 20, 2009

Lifestyle changed

For the last couple of days, my life changed.Basically, it got back to normal...a different one.I know it can be confusing, but believe me, I know what I am saying.I went back at work this week, on Tuesday, and I found out everything changed.Lots of new people, my friends changed, I don't even know who to trust or not anymore...And when working in a team, you need to trust 100% the other team mates.But I'm sure things will work out and it'll be fine in the end.I have a positive feeling.:)
One thing I'm very very very excited, tonight, actually, right now, in like 30 minutes, I'll go to a praise and worship night at Princeton University.Yes, I have a friend that studies there.Actually, we just met 2 weeks ago at a romanian church, and he made me so proud of being Romanian...because he just finished high-school and he got full scholarship for 4 years.Yes, we are intelligent and smart people!:)I'm so nervous about how the things will be, and because my sister can't come with me cause she got over time..
Ok...ummm...really, my mind is blank so...I'm afraid I have to say au revoire!:)..See you soon, keep safe and don't get sick.

Monday, November 16, 2009


It will be a short one, not because I don't have what to say, but because it is late and tomorrow I'll start work again.I'm not sure, I'm happy, or not?...I'm happy cause I kinda got bored at home all day long, and stuff, but I'm totally definitely sad cause I won't be able to talk with Eddie every day, which is like the worst thing ever could happen to me.But, let's keep the cheerful mood here, and be thankful for weekends and internet.
I had thought over the weekend to write my first come back post about truth.It could sound like an essay you have to get it ready for Ethic's class, but let's face it, everybody stumble in it on their everyday life.I won't tell you what the dictionary says, you can find that out by yourselves.I was curious what Mr Google would say about it(because we always "ask him" about everything we want to know)..It said there "truth is rarely pure and never simple".The irony is, I deeply believe that truth is always pure.I'm not sure about the "simple" thing, but I'm certainly agree with the idea that truth makes things more clearer and simpler.So, this is the question: why should we stick with the truth and not living a lie?
We always have options in our lives.We are free to choose whatever we think it's the best for us, but how many times did you happen to think the shorter way is the easiest?And how many times it happened  that, after taking a decision, you wished to go back in time and changed it?Only if it could be possible!The tricky part is, usually, truth seems to complicate things at first sight, and we are tempted to believe it.In the end, when all the cards are shown, you sit there, with your head in your hands and wonder why did u go for it and how life fooled you again.The reality is pretty tough: nobody and nothing tricked you.That equation has only you and your choices you made in it.The result, is your present.Which can be a present(gift) or in a second it can turn in your worst nightmare.No, I'm not talking about some science-fiction movie, it's the real life I'm dealing with.Nobody can make decisions for you, but together, all of us, can change and influence this life, we can make a difference by choosing to tell the truth.It can be knotty always telling the truth, but as far as I'm concern, I think it is the simplest way to get thru things, even when it hurts.Honesty is one of the most important things to make it happen.It consist of being conscious of your qualities and deficiencies, but not overestimating yourself or underestimating.And now, after all this short "exposure" of some thoughts, maybe you wonder what made me write about such a large subject.I think you have the write to know there is nothing indecent about the naked truth, and this fact just fascinated me for last days...Actually, this is just one of them..Have a nice day everyone!

Friday, November 13, 2009

"Me, give me a break!!"

Ok, so I admit it, I kinda started to write shitty posts, just to keep on writing.I know, my friends, I have no right to steal couple of minutes out of your precious life just to read awful odd stuff...anyway.what I was saying, is I might take a break from blogging.My life is not awesome anyway and why should I fill this blog with ugly truths?.It's suppose to be funny, cheerful, and uplifting.I know you're not gonna miss me, but just in case somebody's wondering, I'm not dead, I just got a break from putting myself out there.I need me to go thru some stuff..

Monday, November 9, 2009

Safe place

Today while I was looking up for some stuff on Google, I was thinking to play a game see what it happens.I decided to type different words and search for the images.I typed several average words, nothing extremely interesting came out, so I typed the word "safe" and this image just popped out.It made my caring and, I wrote "safest place in the world"...there was some pictures with some places, but on the 2nd page was this picture.It's good to know that home is a safe place and the safest place in the world is in ur daddy's arms.Enjoy your day!:)

Friday, November 6, 2009


I discovered something pretty interesting today...:)and that is, if you read the titles of my last 3 posts, you can see for yourself, it says "fast, return tonight".I am still confused of this message, it could take so many meanings...Where should I return, and why such a hurry?...I guess, it's Eddie's heart, I know hun, I know, I miss you too.Oh, dear readers, never stay apart of your beloved ones!Take my advice with no doubt in your hearts that I wish it only for your best.I had in my life just one boyfriend, I met him almost 3 years ago and after not even one month from the moment we've met, we found out our feelings are the same and we've been together since then.I have never imagined this possible, especially when I was looking around me and all my other friends had had at least 2-3 boyfriends(girlfriends) until they found the right ones...But I can say it from the bottom of my heart, I could never be much thankful for him.For his love.For the opportunity to spend my whole life with him and only him.One of my dreams came true...To find my soul mate and enjoy our adventure together.It is, indeed a great adventure, but being with the right person, it makes it special and a lot more easier to go thru it every day.No, I won't say that once you'll find the right person for you, every problem will vanish, never.But the magic in every story is how you both can get all the monsters down and how good team you make, forgiving each others mistakes, learning from each other, helping the other one to be himself(or herself), being there in every moment, and yet, not being in the way of living their lives.Of course, each relationship has its own style, story, history, present and future, and I can't tell you exactly what to do to work things out, only I can assure you that, if you love, and are loved, always will be a solution for every problem and a bigger happiness in your daily walk.

 Yes, I know, I started with an odd fact, but don't you find love odd and yet such a normal feeling that any of us should feel and share?

song of the day


I'm happy, but my heart hurts.I'm not sure I've experienced it in my life, it's such a funny feeling.Indeed, I found out happiness is a part of us, like, the walls of a need them to create the room, it's your choice if you put something on them or you just put some black old wallpaper on it.But I was not thinking to talk about happiness.I am aware of the thing that you might be happy in your life, but you never find happiness.
Feeling the peace in my sad heart is such a wonder.I guess tonight is going to be a good night...with good sleep and great dreams.Life gets tougher and tougher each day, but I won't give up.I decided just to stay strong, face the problems and more, resolve them!.I challenge life and I am determined to win the battle.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


For the las past weeks, I couldn't have done anything...nothing that I had to do.I guess it was a way to be a rebel, or to unleash the teenager that tries to dye and to push away the adult is getting ready to make his presence known.I like to think I'm mature enough to handle this, but the truth is, I'm childish enough to be afraid of the changes that take place in me, and it's pretty scary.I spent the last (10) days to discover myself again, to get to know me, to find out if I still have the same dreams and if I still go on the direction I wanted.But, days go on, and I don't figure out anything, on contrary, I get more and more confused with every step I take, or, maybe I thought I've taken.I don't know much, but I have the feeling I'm not searching  the answers in the right place.It's like I have the wrong map or something.I miss those days when I used to get out of the house every day even just for a walk with a friend, or just to walk to the market place..I guess in all our lives we'll have a time when we'll miss and think about how good it was "back then".I just can't realize how to make this period of my life more sweet than bitter.A best and most special friend of mine told me last weekend while we were typing on Yahoo! Messenger, that we should learn from our past and present so in our future we won't cry this days either.I needed to hear that, it was like a cold shower, and for a second I felt better, 'cause I realized, even if we're thousands miles away, literally half-way 'round the world, we still have that thing what always bonded us.It's good to know you still have your friends even when you see them just one time a year, or not at all.It's a radical change, from spending all your time with some persons and the next day not to be able to call them every day, not saying anything about having fun together.
There are changes in life you can't manage, and there are choices others make for you.There is nothing to be afraid of, it's just life.I know, life can be the scariest thing could happen to somebody, but on the other hand, it could be the best thing happening ever.I don't know about you guys, but I wanna be the kind of woman that, when my feet hit the floor every morning, the devil says:"oh crap, she's up!".


At 12:00 I have appointment for hand physical therapy.I don't really have time to write here a lot, but that's fine cause I don't really know what to say, it's been an interesting week for me, and not in a very good way.I promise I'll try to find myself in these hard times and I'll get back here and post again.That's it for coffee is waiting and I gotta get ready...See you soon folks!:)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


Maybe you wonder what struck me that I put that title, right?..Well, don't let it get too serious, cause I have an announcement to make... I'm going to have my eleventh nephew..or niece.We don't know yet, but I just found out one of my sisters is pregnant..yaayy...!!!Can't wait to get to know him/ the same time I'm a lil bit sad, cause I'll be thousands of miles away..and I kinda got used to be there when my nieces or nephews were born...
And because I started to talk about my family, why don't u take a second to get to know my family a lil bit?..To get started...First, I would say I'm the baby...and I have another 6 older sisters and one brother.They all got married...Jo, the sis before me, got married this year(this was the reason to spend my vacation in my country this summer)..I have 7 nieces and 3 nephews(exactly how we were suppose to be-2 of my brothers died when they were little) and I feel really blessed with them.:)I love being part of a big family, especially being the baby, cause I always get what's the it's pretty much weird to see everyone with their families, and I can't wait to have my own family, too(I mean to get married with Eddie..).
Ummm I have no idea what else I could say, I'm too happy to know I'll be an aunt again, if you have any questions, you can write them in the comments and I'll try to answer them as quick as I excuse me, but I gotta go scream a lil bit and hug my mom and my sis:)...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Bring me back to life!!!

You know, I realized some things last week...The one with the biggest impact on me was how much a single person can make you fight for something...from the most useless thing to the most important matters as life.One person can decide your death as a wonderful person or can make your life miserable.I am aware this is how we were created, to long for each other's presence, love and attention.We need a social life in order to fulfill our means in life.In other words we are addicted to each other, we need the people around us to live.It is something impossible to change and I'm not telling you something new.It might not sound interesting, but it is extraordinary to discover things by yourself.
While I am trying to figure out my lack of words tonight, I'd be glad if you would listen the song of the day.

Saturday, October 10, 2009


I am proud to be a romanian.I always was and I'll always be.I don't need any justification, because this is who I am.I was born there, grew up there, love the culture, the country is wonderful, people are smart and friendly.Of course, Romania is not perfect place on earth.It couldn't be.But it is my country and I am romanian, even if I live here..Some days ago I found this video and that made me much more happier to call Romania "my home country".

Thursday, October 8, 2009


I have never asked myself how did I make the choises and how did I come to this point, but it's useless.Because I could never imagine me being other person, or making something different, or have some other dreams.I couldn't have ever been who I am without you.You, are the one who defines me, who stays right beside me and tell me "You can do whatever you want".
I am not going to tell everyone how wonderful you are, they might wanna steal you from me if they knew it.I am the most selfish person in the world when it comes to you.I know, when we started, you were the jelaous one, but I think jelaosy is contagious.It is amazing what impact just one person can have in your life.But much more amazing, is how that person walks into your life with just one desire: to be with you and he ends up doing for you more than you can ever imagine.This happened to me and I cannot be more thankful and more happy for it.

You are the one I think about every second, I wonder what panties wears, what makes your smile so irresistible, if you're hot or cold, what did u dream last night and how do you feel.You're in my mind when I decide what to wear today and you're the hero in all my bed-time stories. You're the only one who I'd like to watch a romantic movie with, and the one I'm not ashamed of to see me crying.You taught me dreams can come true, indeed, and yet, you were the one that usually make them come true.You are the one who called me just to hear my voice, when you barely knew me.You are the one that didn't promise me anything, but you gave me everything.Your presence is my inspiration, your arms know when to protect me, and when to love me.Your eyes can have a lil girl's world in them and your lips know me better than I do.You know where to take me, and you know when I'm faking a smile.
YOU know me.YOU love me.
I love You, too.
For You,
       from me. 

Monday, October 5, 2009


I'm sick and I feel like crap!I have a runny nose and I can't blow it(I know, it's funny to hear it, not to live it..), I can breath only with my mouth open(which is gross and my throat is dry and it hurts) and I sneeze(a lot)..well I have fever and I can't really stand up for longer than 10 min...don't ask where did I get it from, cuz I don't know.And like it's not worse enough, today I bit my tongue really bad and I can't eat...Isn't it awesome?Yes, I'm not really ironic here, but it's just weird how all bad things happen in the same time...It was a hard day for me, but I'm happy it's night again and hopefully, I can get some good sleep now...and the best thing: tomorrow I don't have to wake up early in the morning...
And speaking of sneezing ..take a look here and laugh a lil bit, it's pretty funny..aaaahhchooo!!!
I guess that's it for today...See you guys, and don't get sick`!!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The reason

I asked myself today "do I need a reason to write here?" and after that another question popped into my mind: "do I write here for a reason?" and here I got a lil bit stuck...Cause, if I write here for a reason, I need a reason to keep writing, but if I write here with no reason, than I don't need any reason at all..I guess I have something to think about next few days.
    Last night I got my hair cut.No, don't think about some new chic, fresh haircut, I just had it trimmed(I want my hair long).But even if it's nothing changed(just 1 inch shorter), I felt so good, like I was more confident in me, in what I am doing, and this feeling reminds me of every time when I used to get a new haircut...Every single time is the same...when I walk out of that beauty salon, I feel like I can do anything and if I want, I can conquer the world!(Maybe I should cut my hair more often:)...)And that feeling that everyone is amazed of my haircut and everybody likes it, is so good...even though, maybe nobody notices me or I am as invisible as I was till then, but that feeling is not going away so easy and it feels really good..You girls, maybe understand what I am saying right now..
   The idea I was trying to emphasize here is the strangeness of the situation...Sometimes I choose to care more about some new haircut or some new clothes I just got and all these things make such an impression on me, and I kinda forget all these other more important things in life...Like I feel better when I get a haircut than when I took a very good grade at some test.I now, there are different things, and they can't really compare, but still...Ok, now, to be honest, it's pretty impossible for me not to care about my look's a girl thing.
I think it's time to write about something more interesting, it's been an interesting week until now and I'm very curious how's gonna end.Today, it was first time when I drive in last 12 weeks.Oh, my, it felt soooo good...I was extremely happy even though I had to be really careful not to hurt my hand and not to crash into some other car or whatever...Maybe you guys think 'what`s so big deal you drove?' but you would understand the feeling if you wouldn't be able to drive for a while.And besides, for me, driving a car means freedom.No, you're not stuck on the roads, they just give you the chance to go and discover something new, something interesting.I'm addicted to it and I'm sure everybody is(at least here in US).And yes, I said that, I meant it, but still I enjoy walking and spending time in the nature.
And in the end, I'm wondering why I gave this post the title 'the reason'...but I guess, the reason of this title is this song.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

birthday week!

This last week was full....of cakes and goodies:)..and of birthdays...Because of birthdays we got so much cakes and good meals:).And today we all celebrated everybody's birthday at bowling and after that picnic:)...we had a pretty good time there, I enjoyed every single moment of it, it was like a fresh air..!!!:))
Last night Anna slept over..with me...she almost fell off the bed twice or 3 times, she kicked my butt off but she was sweet...before we actually fell asleep she started to talk..and she couldn't stop talking:))...I almost fell asleep twice...She told me about this movie she saw, "Firefighter" about some bad men who wants I don't know what(I guess I was sleeping at that part) and after that another man started to put chips into people's cavities so he can control their minds and their brains actually turned into red and green and yellow(this was the part were I really payed attention) and after that was 2 girls that flied and rescued the world...And in the end, I found out that the girls were, in fact, 2 agents undercover....Don't you think this is a great movie??:))...Too bad I was that tired, I could've asked her more things...She was sweet, though..:)And now, to translate you guys a lil bit, we saw last night Agent Cody Banks(that's with the cavities and colored brains), and some weeks ago we watched White Chicks(that's the 2 under cover agents ) and Firefighter is actually Fireproof, which I don't really get it cuz she didn't say anything about it but I just guessed anyway...:))'s amazing how she can remember different things and put them together and in the end, they pretty much make sense...sort of:))...but I like her the way she is and I enjoy every second spend with her and her sisters..:)Mary, her oldest sister, always says she doesn't feel I'm her aunt, she feels like I'm her older sister and to be honest with you, I feel soooo good!!!:)
I'm not gonna talk much about it, but I wanted to write it...three months ago, I left Eddie's city.Do you know what that means??...another 3 months apart.Is it too sad for this post?No, just painful for me..But it worths it.Every second of it..Eddie, you make everything so beautiful in my life!Thank you:*
I didn't post here in a while the song of the day but I just found a really good one and I'm sure you'll like it too..Enjoy it!
song of the day

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I hate it..

...when you wanna cry and you can't.I'm so mad right now and it would help a lil bit of crying, it would be refreshing, to let go all my frustrations...but instead of tears, I got a really really bad headache...I hope I'll fall asleep soon...

I am tired.very tired...

What's next?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

What do I know about ... ?

I have no idea what am I going to tell you guys, it's a weird feeling I have, I mean, while I was outside entertaining myself on the swing, I knew exactly what I was going to write tonight and what I wanted to tell you..but now, is mind is blank.I don't even know what's worse, not to be able to say what you want to say or to say what you don't even want to say!?..I've read today in my book while I was studying that decisions are what make a computer seem "smart" and I asked myself "do my decisions make me smart?".I mean, let's be honest people, how many times we messed things up just because one imprudent, quick decision we made?How many times you didn't wish for a second chance, how many times you promised yourself you'll be more careful next time and still, you find yourself today with a bunch of broken dreams...It's not exactly about what decisions I have to make, it's only about how do I refer to them?How am I going to face the life, even if I still make mistakes?It's not the decision that makes me smart or whatever, it's just the way I handle it...or I don't handle it.
Secondly, I told you I'll share with you my opinion about No Reservations...and to answer to the comment I got at my previous post, yes, it's the one with Catherine Zeta-Jones.It's a great movie, me personal I've learned some things from that one romantic movie:)...One time Kate(Catherine Zeta-Jones plays her) refers to her job as it is all she is...and Nick(Aaron Eckhart) tells her she is a lot more than just her job, cooking being just a small piece of her and it just made me think a lil bit about how things are with me.(I know it's selfish to talk only about you but it's my blog and I should write stuff about me, right?..or am I wrong?..) I know I let myself thinking that if I can't do some certain things I'm not good at anything, and let me say it, it's the lamest thought somebody can think about himself.For a long time I let others to influence my personality and my thoughts and lots of times instead of speaking out for myself I looked down and I did/said/thought what others told me to do/say/think.So from now I'll try to remember this quote on my life journey, that I'm a lot more than just one thing I'm good best at.I won't forget that not the things make me who I am, I am making the things in this life...Like not that nice story I wrote make me who I am, I invented it, I wrote it.Yes, that story it is a part of me, but it's not defining me...
I guess it's enough with the philosophy so I'll just let you guys enjoy your last days of sunny warm weather...I am so thankful for them!!!

Monday, September 21, 2009

While the trees get undressed

I'm listening my favorite music, and a weird feeling that I should close my eyes and don't think about anything embraces lids fight to open and I find myself smiling.I look at pictures and I wonder when did I grow this much:)...I went at doctor's a weird feeling to hear the doctor saying:"it's not healed yet...what do you want for the next 3 weeks: the brace or cast?"...what do you thing I chose?...of course, the brace...who would want to spend 3 more weeks with a cast on?Even if it was green, I still wouldn't want to "enjoy" that experience again...Today was so nice outside and I didn't really get the chance to sit down out there and enjoy the sun, but I definitely  was happy to talk with Eddie after a long weekend for both of us.
And I need to go back studying, I'm so behind...but this will happen time:).I found this movie on internet, it's called No Reservation, I'll let you guys know if it worths watching it or not...
xoxo, nami

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Bad day

Isn't it weird how a song that used to make you happy and bring a smile on your face, now all it brings is tears and sadness?...Listen this if you're curious to hear one of those songs...I am aware this is not the happiest post ever, but I just write my feelings.And it takes guts to do that...some of you might think different things about this, but you know, I write for me, not to please everybody.I write here what I can't tell my fiance when we talk, not cause I couldn't, just because we don't have enough time to tell each other all we have to share.I put on these papers my heart, so my friends who miss me would be able to have a glimpse of my life from here and so they will know they still are a part of my life.Like I said, being together, but apart.It wasn't easy to leave you guys.It still isn't.I miss every moment I spent with you and I wish I could travel back in time so I can have a piece of that happiness.I guess all those sweet small things we used to do together made the person I am today.I know it's wrong to try to find someone to replace you, it's just disappointing, you can't be simply replaced.I know this, but I don't know why I can't stop doing it.I hope one day I'll meet again with the past and than...well, this will sound sad, but that's won't be the same if some day the past will become the present.Because we all changed, and nothing will be the same..Maybe just our friendship which, I'm afraid it wasn't strong enough not to break.
I'm coming back to you, maDa and Eddie.I have never left you guys.I feel when you are down, I am happy in the same time when you are and this is just happening.maDa, that song is for you..we used to dance and laugh singing it and remember when we both said we can't imagine ourselves being sad listening to it?...It's been quite a while...Now I imagine how our kids will be, I imagine how they're gonna look at our pictures with their friends and they'll say:"she's my mom's best friend ever." ..and let's hope we'll live close enough se we can spend time together like we used to..
Eddie,  my love,  this song is for you.I remember like yesterday when I sent it to you and you said this song is perfect for us.I'm sure it's perfect for lots other ppl, but since I met you I discovered a new way to love, to give, to live my life..Everything makes sense.Flowers smell better, sun shines brightly, days are happier..and if they're not, well, it deserves the fight cause I know in the end, it'll be just you and me.
And finally, for you guys who read this blog...dreams DO come true...and they can last forever if you know how to take care of them.But be careful what you wish for, cause dreams can hurt, can bring you lots of pain, but in the end, you'll see...every single great thing worths a lil pain!..
Be strong!

Note: Sorry you guys who don't know Romanian, the song for my fiance is a romanian love song, about the perfect love between a boy that just meets his soulmate.She's been there forever, but he just fell in love with her.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Joyful Sunday

For me, it's been a pretty tough week and a pretty full day, but I have here seven things to be thankful for: relationship with Eddie.For those who don't know, Eddie is my lovely fiance and I can't wait to spend my life with him, to go to bed and wake up next to him, to look after him, to go out together, watch movies under the blanket in a cold rainy day and have fun with.In just a few words, to be with him every day of my life.He is the BEST thing ever happened to me and I am the most thankful for his love, his presence in my life.

2.the trip to New York.I love that city.Is my heart.I love seeing ppl walking down the street, I like the crowds, the streets, the noise, the energy, the feeling of being there...the feeling of being alive that New York gives you..It's like:"Wake up world, there are too many exciting things to lose them!!".There is always something new to discover and some new feelings to experience. wrist(is healed almost).Finally, I started to move my thumb.Yes, it sounds funny, but believe me, it's amazing to be able to do it again...7 weeks with a cast on is not really a piece of cake.
4.the trip to Niagara Falls.It's been a pretty tired trip, but it worth it!...It is amazing, it feels awesome to be able to see some of the beauty wonders of this earth.It's breathtaking.Speechless..I took lots of pictures, the only thing bothered me, it was really crowded cause it was a sunday and besides, it was Labor Day's weekend...imagine half of the americans + visitors being there...but it was nice, to be able to see all that gorgeous views.Something you can't see every day...Next place I wanna see...Grand Canyon ;)
5.the weather and yesterday.Yes people, yesterday was an important day for my family..My oldest niece got baptised.And her grandparents(her daddy's parents).Isn't it beautiful?..And the weather..well..if yesterday wasn't too hot out(actually, it rained a lil bit), today was sooo nice...sun was out, a lil breeze ...perfect day.
6.driver license.I'm so thankful to have that lil piece of plastic, I'll be so happy when I'll be able to drive again..I can't wait...go for a ride...just because...oohh....freedom, sweet freedom:)
7.the new laptop.One of my dreams, finally came true.I sold my other laptop and I got this other one and plus, I got $100 discount and an iPod for free....just cause I'm a student:).

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The secret garden in the fall

I love this weather,i don't wanna study, I'd just stay and enjoy the sky, swing a lil bit, probably go for a walk or smth... I feel a lil bit alone today.I don't know why, not that i would be with too many ppl, it's just, this time of the year makes me feel this way.Kind of a loner.I wish I could go back to school this year and make new friends,discover new things, just to go somewhere every day.Oh, crap! I don't understand why ppl always want smth they don't have or can't have(actually, that's the worst part), and never to be pleased, even when u have all. We r made this way, to reach out after perfection, but we don't even know anymore what perfection means. We look at ppl around us and wish to be like them.or to have their car..or phone.Sometimes it gets worst and we want other's wife/husband.We became some immoral hypocrites which are so proud of their stupidity, and we show off to the whole world.And when we do that, everybody wants to be our friend and
envy us for who we are and we become the ones the others will dream to be. I stopped just because I'm afraid of what's gonna be next.It's weird how we took a good thing and switched it into a weird selfish "pursuit of happiness", trying to ruin everything in our marathon after a perfect happy moment, and we forgot how to live happily, we don't care that happiness is a way of life, we just want a chain of happy moments and we are wondering why we are not truly happy till the end.Because we want a single moment to last an eternity and when the moment is gone, we start complaining and we don't like anything anymore, because we stopped searching the happiness in every single second of our lives.Because we spoiled ourselves, we made ourselves to think that nothing, nobody could ever make us that happy again.Because we don't want to try.Because we are so good at turning a great thing into the most imperfect tool in our lives, and do you know what's the scariest part?We
enjoy doing it!

I can't tell anybody how to live his/ her life, I'm trying to make a point here and in the same time to remind me some basic stuff. That's all

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Last day of summer

...was yesterday.I spent it in the most perfect way to spend a summer day(especially when is the last one): at the shore...running on the beach, playing with the seashells, laughing with baby seagulls and and flying with the wind.Yes, it was a perfect day.I would've post something yesterday but I was so tired..
On Sunday we went to Niagara Falls.Awesome...amazing..even it was a tough day for me, I tried to enjoy it as much as i could.It was nice, to see that enormous gigantic fall, I felt so small and in the same time I had this strange impulse to jump in the water and to be carried by the strong flow of water.I kept thinking that in this way all my problems and all my sorrows will wash away and get lost somewhere under that rocks.But fortunately, I knew that's not gonna happen so I stopped myself from doing that:).
Coming back in the I was so happy to find out that my best friend ever wrote a post on her blog in my call back all the good times when we were together even when we slept.:)Thank you maDa, you make me feel special even when you're so far.*big hug for you*I miss all that special things we used to do together.
I laughed.I laughed so hard, I found this funny video on youtube, you can watch it here and if you liked it, just leave a comment i'm curious about ur reactions;))...
And finally, today me and my sister cooked ...brownies:).mmm yummy ..and we spent some time together.While I was sitting there on the swing with her, I realized how cool she is :)and how much fun we can have.I'm lucky she's here:).
I can't just end this post without saying anything about Eddie.I miss him too much to be quiet about it.I so hope he will be able to come here by the end of this year ..I didn't know there are so many things to miss about somebody...excluding his presence, his smile, his perfume, his jokes, his eyes, his smell, his hands, I would stay here all week long and I wouldn't finish with it..ok, so I don't want to grow sad here, so I'll just say the last 5 years was very special in my life...cause now 5 years ago I met maDa, and 2 years ago Eddie became a really important part of my life.:)
So..when the summer goes in vacation, the school starts:)

Friday, September 4, 2009

When a friend is not a friend anymore?

As people, we come and go in other's lives, some need our help, other ones give us a lil bit of their happiness, one time you just can be a rock for poor girl who lost her dog and next time you can be the one who needs a pat on your back.We live together, help each other, have fun together, cry together, we make mistakes and sometimes we are lucky to see anybody else making a mistake and learning it from their pain, but usually we are our teachers, we need to take our decisions, to make our path, to become somebody and to present ourselves to the world.Getting out there with no one to hold on to, it's pretty scary and this is one of the main reasons why teenagers fail to  this heavy burden.We need somebody to plead for us in front of everybody, so in need to share our achievements and failures we choose one person and we show ourselves as we are:with goods and bad.We show them how magnificent, clever, and strong we can be but we don't mind to call them in our desperate times and pour our miserable souls to their feet.We don't panic if they visit us and our house is a total mess cause last week we worked 92 hours instead of just 40 and we don't feel hurt when they say something don't look good on us, cause we know they want the others to see just the best part of us.So, while you start spending more and more time together, your trust in them is becoming bigger and bigger, and you feel you can conquer the world.You are happy you got someone strong besides you and as you receive, you start to give out, too.The perfect moments are your present and it seems to last forever so next step:make plans together.Spend more time together, you do more things together, probably move closer, and your lil need, softly comes into a strong friendship.Everything is awesome and you guys, are like twins, you became addicted to each other, life just is easier and happier.
But, what do you do when you wake up one morning, make your usual call and the voice at the other of the line sounds strange.Friendly and happy, but strange.And things start to change a lil have the first fight.After that, you choose something different for the first time.You feel like this great friendship keeps you lock in some kind of cage that doesn't let you try anything new.You're scared of being lonely, but you're scared to find unknown things about you. Finally, You choose to go find yourself, and after a while come back;everything is different including yourself and it's not like you didn't expect it, you just didn't think the impact could be so destructive.For the love of the friendship, you decide to keep trying but when the phone calls and you hear that sweet voice that used to bring you so much happiness in your life, you stop listening(for the first time) and you start wondering if you stopped being a friend for the other person, when did it happen and why you two ol' folks can't manage it anymore.You still enjoy being together and doing stuff together, you still cherish every moment, and you still share each other's secrets.You two still rock the world, cry together, have fun together, cook together, you gossip everybody else with the same mysterious look on your face, you even have a bad day together...
You cuddle yourself in the dark and you can't answer the question "when a friend is not a friend anymore?"

Note:This is not really smth I lived, it's just a small story that I find myself thinking about it everyday.