Wednesday, February 10, 2010


              There is one point(or more) in everybody's life when they feel it's the right time to do something important.Like, finding yourself.Or searching what you are, what you need and what you want.Life's not getting easier at all.In times like these, I find it very unfair, but I guess I need to learn some lessons here.Sometimes, happiness comes with decisions I need to make.You think I said it backwards, don't you?But I meant it: now, happiness comes with decisions I need to make.I hate taking decisions.I am that kind of person who don't want to hurt anybody, I'd better be hurt than people around me.But now, things are so different than usual.It's not just about people around me, it's about my family and my family-to-be.I'm between the person who I love the most on this Earth(you guessed, it's Eddie) and my family.And don't think that far, nobody forced me to decide: family or Eddie.It's more complicated.At least, for me.And I hate it when I tell people a lil bit about my problems and they answer "I feel you." or "I understand you".The worst is "I can imagine what you're going thru".No, man, let me tell you, you don't understand not even a bit how hard it can be and what am I going thru, if you'd understood, just a pitch of it, you'd be crying, depressed, and I'm not sure you could handle it.Ok, I might take it to extreme, but still... I know they try to be nice with me, but I don't need them to be nice.I need the strength to make the right decision and I'm scared even if I'll have the wisdom to know which path to choose, I won't be strong enough to go on it.So scared that my heart starts beating really fast, my hands shake, I get dizzy and I see blurry.I've never been under such a pressure before.I guess, at least.And this is just because I realize it's a very important step in my life and I need to make it right.For me, for Eddie, for everybody.
            I can't write anymore.Probably I'll come with some more "details" about my life in this moment tomorrow or some time soon, I need to stop now.I want to know what next step will be, and I need to pray a lot.And first, to find me again.
      No song of the day today...Just lots of snow.
             Note to myself: Enjoy your life, even in the hard times.Never let anything to interfere your relationship with God.Keep going, never give up, you are a wonderful person and you can do anything.Love every single second of your life, never forget your beloved and settle down your priorities according to God's will.Learn how to listen God's voice and you'll have peace in your mind and joy in your heart.Be thankful for people let in your life to show to you His love for you.Cherish them.Love them, enjoy the time spent with them and miss them when they're apart.Talk.Listen.Sing and stay quiet.Run and play, but stay focused.
              Whatever I do, Eddie will always have all my love.

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Your kind words make my day!!!