Thursday, July 30, 2009

ganduri ce nu se pot spune..


Sunt anumite momente in viata cand iti doresti atat de mult sa spui ce iti trece prin minte, oricui, numai sa le scoti de acolo, pt ca ai acelasi feeling ca atunci cand deschizi sertarul cu sosete..intotdeauna gasesti sosete desperecheate, intotdeauna sertarul e prea mic, si niciodata nu'l mai poti inchide cum trebuie..in special cand te grabesti.Ei, dc ai inteles descrierea, cam asta imi e starea..ma gasesc din ce in ce mai des punand o fatza si o atitudine de 'happy-very optimistic person' si uneori imi joc rolul atat d bine incat ma pacalesc si p mine..partea sad este ca atunci cand incerc sa arat celor din jur adevaratele mele sentimente si anumite pareri despre anume domenii, toti au reactii aiurea si m'am saturat ca in loc sa primesc un pic de sprijin, sa fac fatza unui "atac" de lectii primare.e ciudat cum oamenii mari cam totdeauna termina prin a face sau a spune ceea ce nu vor sa spuna sau sa faca..ma intreb cate solutii sunt pt fiecare pb si dc chiar vreau sa fac fatza provocarii fiecarei solutii si sa'mi asum responsabilitatea d a lua o noua decizie gresita.uneori viatza imi lasa impresia ca este un lant de incercari esuate, decizii luate gresit, imbinate cu disperarea de a ajunge intr'un loc linistit, in care sa te poti regasi si readuna dupa bataliile zilnice care le duci..si in general, te simti k un invingator, dar nu esti chiar unul in sensul propriu al cuvantului.ca si cum fat-frumos in realitate n'a omorat nici macar o viespe, dar atunci ce sa mai amintesc de zmeii infricosatori?..stiu ca nu oricine ar pricepe imbulzeala cu care mazgalesc pur si simplu cuvintele, si recunosc ca scriu cu ceva riscuri, dar mi le asum.
gandurile ce nu le pot spune sunt scrise pe nori, pe lacrimi de ploaie, pe zambet sincer, in imbratisarea calda si in sarutul pasionat.

the new image



well..i had one of those days that i call them 'half-half days'..and believe me, it is so awful.A half-half day is the day that starts excelent to one point and then it turns out to be the most miserable day ever.it just ruins everything.
Azi a plouat.Parca era alta ploaie decat cea obisnuita.Ma simteam parca fiecare strop d ploaie vroia sa imi ceara socoteala pt fiecare secunda ce am petrecut'o intristand p cineva sau ranind pe ceilalti, cu mine in frunte...Fiecare tunet era un tipat, iar fulgerele palme peste fata.Mi'am luat bataie de la ploaie fara ca macar sa ies sa ma ud un pic.It's too weird to write here more about it...prea complicat sa inteleaga cineva.
...dar azi s'a terminat...de fapt, 'azi' este deja de 41 d minute 'ieri'...ma chinui sa termin ce mi'am propus de invatzat, insa gandurile nu'mi dau pace.Vezi tuh, cum se face ca atunci cand vrei sa faci ceva ca lumea, totul sa iasa pe dos..Am impresia ca nu mai sunt in stare sa fac nimic asa cum trebuie, nici macar sa respir...
Astept pe cineva drag sa vorbim dupa muult timp de aproximativ tacere totala, in timp ce ascult acest song sweet dar care nu se aplica deloc la viata mea...astept si visez ca dorm si ma trezesc in trecut...traiesc cu enorma intensitate si placere clipele ce par atat de reale...
if only life wouldn't be a dream...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

begin to hope or begging to hope?..





this is the third time when I write something and after that I press “backspace” without thinking if I really meant what I just put on the paper…

I like the title I gave to this entry.It’s so confusing and challenging for me, a rethoric question that just pops in my mind.what if we think we began to hope, but we actually are just desperate begging for some HOPE?right now I feel like I don’t know what else to say, it’s just a weird feeling you get when you’re not sure of something. What should we do to bring hope back in our lives? Is it enough just to say “I hope…” ? Actually, how many of you, people, are really thinking of the meaning of the words when you use them?..I know, it became so natural to use words like hope, faith, soul, love, hate, feelings, without really thinking at their purpose and how can they affect our lives and the community we are living in.we locked in our homes, put alarms, bought computers, cellphones and we started sending hugs and kisses through messenger and e-mails.we began to say ‘I love you’ and ‘I hate you’ so easily like we would say ‘helo, how are you?’. We say we forgive and forget, but we don’t know what love is. And maybe you’re asking yourself ‘what has love to do with forgiveness?’ but I tell you frankly, without LOVE you can’t do anything. Look, guys, just once be honest with you and your beloved and admit it: we are NOT beginning to hope, we are begging to hope. So we can dream on.. so we’ll still be able to get out of the reality …so we can LIVE.



Ps: I am wondering, why people say the trees are brown with green leaves, ‘cause I would say it’s more a grayish color?