Backwards

             I love this picture. Pretty and smart. Makes me feel adorable. And cute. And smart. :)

            In case you're wondering, no, nothing happened to me... just life, you know. I came to a point when I have to say it out loud, actually, admit it. My life is pretty much backwards. And not really in a good way. There are certain times in life when you're supposed to learn certain things and lessons. You can't write a sentence before you know all the letters, right? You can't skip math class and know how to pass the finals. They are talking about school of life, and they are not wrong.

             First, I want to make it clear, I don't blame anybody, even though it would be so easy to point to others. Let's say, it just had to be like that. Sometimes, you don't have to understand everything, and if you try too hard, you'll fail (which hurts more than not knowing something). Back to my backwards life. Ok, not my whole life is backwards and no, I didn't start walking backwards, or whatever. I say that because, now, when it's time for every kid to leave their parents' house, I moved in with mine. Not so unusual, you say. Wait. That's the present. For 6 years, I've been living without my parents. Yeah, it is upside down the whole thing, huh? Well, believe me, it's weird not to have that freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want to. More than weird. It can get really frustrating, and for a "rebel" child like me, could be the worst thing to getting used to. I mean, come on, when I was 15-16 nobody asked me why, when, where, with whom did I spend my day, or why do I wanna have a sleepover, nobody told me I didn't dressed appropriate and so on. Why can't my parents understand I am (almost) 21? What should I do so they'd stop treating me like I was 13? You can think "oh, big deal, she lived 6 years without her parents and now's complaining". Actually, I'm not. It's just hard to understand how is suppose to be normal. I feel the lack of my parents in those years, especially when it comes to asking me questions or telling me what I can do and I can not do. I grew up being used to take care of myself, to being responsible for my decisions, thoughts. I grew up knowing the dangers out there. Things that usually you learn 'em better when you leave for college. So now I'm here, with my mom and dad, and they are over protective and they feel the need to help me out with everything and anything. Sometimes it comes in handy, but other times, I just feel I'm not capable of anything, anymore. Sometimes, my trust in myself, that I can do things, I can try new adventures, my curiosity, my courage are undermined. Sometimes, I miss the days when I used to just go for a walk if I want to, and nobody would've asked me "why do you want to be alone?" . 

           Sometimes... 

but for now,  I need to learn how to live with my parents. I love them.