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This year, I’m tired. (You are allowed to say: “WHAT!?!?! You’re just 25!!!”)
You read correctly. I am tired. I’m tired of giving up. Tired of starting over. Tired of just trying. Of complaining. I’m tired of talking myself down. Tired of not thinking the best of me. I have never thought how much harm I am capable of doing myself by just convincing me I cannot do this or that. I was never aware that one of my biggest complexes was 98% in my head. That I told myself so many times people don’t think the best of me because I’m chubby. (yes, that was hard to put it out here!)Even though, in theory I knew it was not true, practically, I was beaten down every single time. On New Year’s Eve, I decided I will stop complaining, comparing, talking myself down and any negative though in my mind and I will start doing. Four months later, a year older, with lots of struggle and tons of discipline and self-control, I am typing this. As my thoughts wander throughout these first months of 2014, I am amazed. For once in my life, I decided I will have no New Year Resolutions, and I’ve done more than I did in the last 3 years: I am learning new things, reading books, discovering new places, trying new things. And the best part? All of these while encouraging myself to be me! So what if the lady in the magazine tells me I should be a size 2 and have (35, 23, 35) measurements? The fact that I can’t fit in a size 2 or 4 doesn’t affect my IQ. (This sounds totally like my sarcastic self) My friends don’t think less of me because of how I look. They appreciate and value my friendship, my loyalty and honesty. They brag about my qualities and make me aware of the parts I still need to work on. I asked my friends to tell me some of my bad habits and things I need to change/work on. I was shocked to realize that the fact that I gained weight was not even on their list. However, all these discoveries did not make me feel more comfortable with how I look. Nor did they vanished all my insecurities. Realisticly speaking, big changes do not happen over night. I came to accept this. So, instead of giving up(just like before), I decided to stick with it. To take small steps, one day at a time.
And miracles happened.
Note: Because the post started to be pretty big, I decided to split it. Stay tuned to read the rest of my story.
